A couple of weeks ago. I got a face tattoo. Well, two actually. While I normally have a very, VERY high tolerance for pain, this particular session was nearly intolerable. I think I cried tears of pain the whole time.
Why would I get a face tattoo? Well, because I no longer had any eyebrows to speak of. I was spending a very long time drawing them on every morning. If I happened to sweat at all during the day, or if I had my hat or scarf touch my brow line? FORGET IT! Then I had to draw them on again!
The procedure in full probably took 45 minutes to an hour, and it all had to be approved by my oncologist first, but for the first time in a very, very long time, my reflection in the morning doesn’t look as horrifying. I have eyebrows again! Well, kind of.
I seem to spend a lot of time looking in the mirror closely for signs of hair growth. I no longer have the fine blond hair that used to protect my face. My nose drips CONSTANTLY for lack of hair in my nasal passage. I haven’t had to shave my armpits for a few months…. my leg hair though has stuck around, but I’ve only shaved twice since C.
I’m feeling better and better everyday. I seem to be gaining energy and I feel pretty great. With that, I’ve begun to “nest” as I prepare for surgery and the holidays. I wish I could fast-forward to reconstruction…. I’m worried about what it’ll be like to be completely without breasts. I’ve begun to look at images of other women that have gone through the same procedure so that I can prepare myself for what I’ll see. The scars are big and daunting. The recovery seems overwhelming. However, NOTHING can be worse than the path already accomplished. Chemotherapy feels like a distant memory.
Tomorrow is another beginning. The beginning of a week that I DON’T HAVE CANCER. The beginning of a new journey. This journey I am a new person. One with brighter eyes and a larger heart.
Tomorrow will be great! I can feel it.