It’s not often that I cry in public. And if I do, it’s usually for happy reasons for sentimental reasons or because I am feeling extra emotional. Today was different.
Let me start by saying that yesterday, when I went to radiation, I was told that the machine was not working and I wouldn’t be receiving treatment that day. I was a little sad as that meant that I would have to extend my treatment from Friday, February 23 to Monday, February 26. It’s really not that big of a deal, but I’ve been in treatments for weeks, and before that I had surgery. Before that I had months of chemotherapy. I’ve been looking forward to February 23rd for a very long time.
This delay also means that my side effects of radiation will be extended that much longer. Again, it might not seem like much, but when you are developing blisters and burns, the only relief is to be done with treatment.
I got a phone call early this afternoon that the machine was down again. I was upset again for all of the same reasons I’ve already mentioned. But then, I got an awesome phone call from the cancer center asking me if I can still make it in for my appointment this afternoon. Of course! I don’t want to delay completing my treatment another minute.
After waiting for about 20 minutes, I saw two people come toward me in the waiting room. One of them was one of my radiation technicians, The other with someone I have never met. He wasn’t wearing scrubs and he had a very grim look on his face. The two men kindly explained that the engineer thought the machine was up and running again when in fact, there were still some issues. They further explained that it will likely be completely fixed by tomorrow, but that I would not be receiving treatment today.
I completely lost my shit. I. Was. Bawling.
They apologized and felt bad but I couldn’t hear them through my anger and tears. I don’t want apologies. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want explanations or excuses. I don’t want anything. I just want to be done on February 23.
Bethactually 