Do you remember where you were during 9/11? The feelings of absolute need to be with family? I remember desperately wanting to leave my college classes and pick up Makayla from daycare.
How about when the 35W bridge collapsed? I remember where I was and what I was doing both times.
Tonight, I had to tell the kids that their dad is going to die from cancer. I just cemented a moment in their minds that they will never forget.
It was 85ish outside with a blue, sometimes overcast sky. The two littles has been happily jumping on the trampoline while some really great people desperately attempt to finish the tiny house on stilts for them. I had given them dinner on the trampoline, complete with chips and soda-a treat they don’t always get but my give-a-fuck is completely broken, so, what the hell do I care.
I called them inside for a family meeting. I knew, after asking for advice and reading everything I could, that I had to use the words “die”, “death” or both. The kids need to know that I’m being honest and that I’m going to answer their questions the best way I know how. I don’t remember the exact phrases that I used. My hands were on both of them, Brad snuggled A and I snuggled B. And then I said it. And it hurt. So bad.
Yesterday, we found out that Brad’s cancer has moved to the area behind his left eye. And also his liver, pancreas, bones, lungs, possible fracture of L1 vertebrae…. that’s all I can remember right now. the report read “metastasis” too many times to count.
Brad’s heart is broken for his babies. All three of them.
Today is the day that their world stopped turning.